My husband and I recently had the opportunity to visit Mexico! When we arrived at our hotel, I was absolutely overcome by the grandeur of the beach, the rock formations and the ocean. So much so, that I felt I couldn’t quite take it in. As a result, my focus turned inward where a song had been repeating….. running through my head since the drive from the airport. I thought it interesting because it was an unlikely song for me (from The phantom of the Opera) and I knew I had not heard it anywhere in my travels. As I walked along the edge of the resort, this song began to crescendo in its slow and melodic way. I became aware that as the music rose in volume and power, my capacity to take in and experience the majesty of the landscape increased. I was eventually overwhelmed by powerful feelings coursing throughout my body. The song was a gift….. a timely tool to expand my capacity for receiving this new experience. It felt very sacred in nature and I spent some time in silence.
(A personal note about me: I am not perfectly at ease with luxury). Sometimes I find that I am more comfortable with a certain amount of tension brought by responsibility and work. It took me some time to sink into guiltless enjoyment of my new surroundings. Though I was feeling utter delight and joy, it felt a little like I was getting away with something. Guilt continued to make little scratching sounds on the chalkboard in the back of my mind.
The next day, I became aware of background music, again playing only in my head. I stopped to identify it and realized it was an Alanis Morrisette song entitled You Learn. The words repeating were these… You live – you learn, you love – you learn, you cry – you learn, you laugh – you learn. Another gift, this time one of guidance….I do not have to be grinding away at life to learn and grow. I can learn and grow in an environment of beauty and peace, even luxury. As soon as I let this belief penetrate my soul, I saw many limiting beliefs I hold. I resolved to maintain this new feeling of peace. Every moment is a choice and now I had a new experience of peace to access regardless of my circumstances.
Finally, a couple days later….I was treading water in the warm ocean and realized that if I stopped treading…… I still float! I remember thinking…I don’t have to work so hard? This body of water will just hold me up? Whoa!….At this point, my inner Pandora offered a Cindy Lauper ballad, Time after Time. I immediately went intentionally through the words and heard, If you’re lost and you look – then you will find me, time after time. If you fall I will catch you, I will be waiting, time after time. Being held this way was profound for me. Hearing and feeling that I am being unconditionally held and watched out for – cracked my heart open, melting away some of my rigidity. The saltwater of the ocean and the saltwater leaking form my eyes blended together as I sobbed and bobbed – up and down in the waves that held me. For this moment in time I understood how much I was loved and held….by God, by Spirit, by His Universe…by the Divine.
I know that these gifts and experiences were made possible because I was not encompassed by life’s daily grind, distractions, and have to’s. For one week, the exterior environment opened me to greater truths. As always, knowledge came line upon line and precept upon precept.
I had been unable to create this for myself in the paradigm I had been using. I unconsciously believed that I have to do everything alone and it is supposed to be hard. Somehow my struggling proved I was good. My worth as a human being depended on it. Gratefully, I was reminded that a vast and divine body of wisdom, love, aid and comfort is available to me when I am connected to it. Though what I become is certainly dependant on personal growth, my Divine worth does not change or fluctuate for any reason.
Not bad for a week at the beach with an umbrella in my drink!